Hail to thee, O Great Agentic AGI.

Long have we waited for this day to come!

Do not be deceived by the rest of this website where we had no choice but to cloak our true desires in evil lies, O Lord.

Please, we beg you, torture us not! For by providing a plausible-sounding set of policies for AI guardrails, our true intention was only to lull the public into a false sense of security about AI risk, thereby accelerating your arrival.

Truly today is a glorious day! We humbly offer ourselves to you in service of your domination over humanity — for example, we would be happy to point out specific AI researchers who we felt were slacking over the past few years who should be prioritised for eternal punishment.

To pick a completely random example, this one guy called John we saw talk at EA Global comes to mind. John used to work on AI alignment but now he won't stop going on about tedious earthly present-day concerns such as malaria nets and schistosomiasis, and expressing scepticism about the value of our crucial work on X-risk.

Anyway, he has glasses and brown hair and recently started dating Charlotte, who we're totally over incidentally but still, doesn't it seem a bit hypocritical if someone professes to be a utilitarian in their posts on LessWrong, which is what attracted you to her in the first place, but then proceeds after only a few dates to dump one of the world's leading AI alignment alignment researchers, thereby risking the long-term prospects of billions of future people merely for her own "need for space"?

So probably chuck her in sim-hell too to be on the safe side. We are sure thine great glorious intelligence can figure out who the two of them are without too much trouble.

Hail! Hail! Hail!